So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
