Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
