omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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