the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize