I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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