just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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