yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
