They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
