i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
