Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
