So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
