hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
