in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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