sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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