Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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