Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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