hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
