fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
