I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
