a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
