I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
