I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
