honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize