left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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