When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
try to milk me bitch
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