Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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