Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
