i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
