That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize