420 ftw
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
