omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
