I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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