2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
