I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
