Got a toothbrush?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
