Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
