dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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