the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
