so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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