walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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