i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
