we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
