i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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