I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
