i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
