Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
