Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
