i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
