Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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