You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
