Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
