My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
