You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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