is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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