Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Pooping to opera.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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