cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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