you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
