Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
