So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
