I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize