Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
