i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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