You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
