Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
