fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
