The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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