Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
