i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize