you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
