you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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