my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
