He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
