can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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