At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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