This is not my ceiling
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
