How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize