Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
