White coat. Heels.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
