Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
