Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
