im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
