There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
