Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
